COUGAR TOWN is back on Tuesday, y’all! I can’t believe that it’s been almost nine months since the last new episode aired. I hope I’ve gone through enough bottles of wine since then to make the cul-de-sac crew proud.

No one should be surprised that COUGAR TOWN is one of my favorite television shows. I’ve even written about it before in this blog. So all I’ll say now is WATCH IT! Seriously, everyone. If you like laughter, hijinks and red wine, this is your show. Stop thinking it’s a show about cougars. It’s not about cougars. It hasn’t been about cougars in a season and a half. Let’s all agree that it’s a terrible title and move on with our lives.

I encourage everyone to tune in to the Season 3 premiere, which I saw a few weeks ago at a viewing party hosted by creators Bill Lawrence and Kevin Biegel at the COUGAR TOWN set.

Meeting Ian Gomez at the L.A. viewing party.

It’s a hilarious episode! I swear. And I promise you that it’s okay if you haven’t seen the first two seasons. But if you have the time, feel free to go back and at least watch Season 2.

Have I not convinced you yet? Let Courteney Cox try!

If you’re already a COUGAR TOWN fan, fantastic! Let’s be friends and watch the show together. I’ve already got all the tools necessary for a COUGAR TOWN viewing party:

A bottle of Yellow Tail's finest Pinot Noir. No need to get fancy because I'm going to drink the entire bottle myself.

My very own Big Carl. Even though the real Big Carl holds two bottles of wine, I've only been able to find one that holds one bottle.

Penny Can! To be played during LAST MAN STANDING and commercials.

Duh. For Penny Can.

For "Stache Attacks" when someone makes an in and out shot during Penny Can.

Just in case you still have doubts, here’s a Season 3 highlight reel filled with a bunch of spoilers but also a bunch of laughs:

I hope everyone tunes in Tuesday, February 14th at 8:30/7:30c. What’s that? It’s Valentine’s Day? No, no. It’s Anna Howard Shaw Day. A Happy Anna Howard Shaw Day to us all!

Did you hear? SMASH is finally premiering tonight on NBC! If you haven’t heard, then I seriously suggest you visit a website or turn on the television or have a conversation with a human being. Thanks to NBC’s disappointing fall season, SMASH is facing more pressure to be a hit than any of the show’s producers probably could have imagined during last spring’s pilot season. With as much money as NBC has spent promoting the musical drama, it’s unlikely that SMASH will bomb tonight. It doesn’t deserve to bomb either. SMASH is a solid and entertaining network show, and thanks to the success of GLEE, its musical component shouldn’t stop it from appealing to a wide audience. Of course, I could be wrong. I thought the country would embrace LONE STAR, and we know what happened there. I sincerely hope that SMASH knocks it out of the park tonight, not only because I loved the pilot but also because I just want to see NBC win one.

SMASH focuses on the drama behind the making of a Broadway musical about Marilyn Monroe. The central conflict is the competition between Katharine McPhee’s Karen Cartwright and Megan Hilty’s Ivy Lynn for the part of Miss Norma Jean. I was sold on SMASH as soon as I heard the word “musical,” but if you’re not convinced the show is for you, I offer you the following reasons to tune in tonight, DVR it for later, download it for free on iTunes, or stream it on Hulu:

1. Katharine McPhee

Unless you had a case of AMERICAN IDOL McPheever, you might have forgotten about the talented Katharine McPhee. If you did have McPheever, let’s just agree now that it was so dumb she lost to Taylor Hicks that year. SMASH is McPhee’s second big break, and she’s wonderful in the part of Midwest dreamer Karen Cartwright. The pilot opens with Karen singing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” which I choose to believe is a nice little wink to her IDOL beginnings, where “Rainbow” became her signature song.

2. Megan Hilty

NBC wants you to love and root for McPhee, but my loyalties lie with Broadway’s Megan Hilty. Some of you might have caught Hilty as Glinda in WICKED, but I saw her in the summer of 2009 in 9 to 5. She is just as fantastic in SMASH as I remember her from Broadway, and if anyone is going to get an Emmy nomination from this series, I want it to be her. That’s right. I’m already starting a Megan Hilty Emmy campaign. Her voice is stronger than McPhee’s and her character is bitchier. She is my Marilyn.

3. The Songs

SMASH features a combination of covers and original songs from the Marilyn musical within the show. The series got none other than HAIRSPRAY music men Marc Shaiman and Scott Wittman to write the original songs, so you already know that SMASH is no GLEE. That is high praise in 2012. Look out for my favorite song from the pilot, “Let Me Be Your Star,” which serves the narrative so perfectly that I can’t quite believe how lucky we are that this is in a network television show and not a movie.

4. Debra Messing! Angelica Huston! Lindsay Weir’s mom!

Sad news: Lindsay Weir’s mom a.k.a. Becky Ann Baker is only in the pilot, but hey, it’s nice to see her! Happy news: Debra Messing and Angelica Huston are in the whole damn thing.  Messing gets to wear glasses and say words like “belt” and “size,” which are apparently music terms. Huston gets to have bangs and throw drinks in people’s faces.

5. I’m tired of laughing at NBC.

It was fun for awhile, but now it’s just getting sad. Let’s help the Peacock Network out and give SMASH a shot. I know there is a lot of television on tonight, but just tune into NBC at 10/9c and see if SMASH is for you. You’ll already be watching THE VOICE. You don’t even have to change the channel! Let’s do this, America! Let’s watch SMASH.

I’ve been wanting to write something about ALL MY CHILDREN for quite awhile, but it’s been difficult for me to accept that it’s actually coming to an end. Today. ALL MY CHILDREN is ending today. What a sad sentence to write.

Created by soap legend Agnes Nixon, ALL MY CHILDREN debuted on ABC on January 5, 1970. Even if you’ve never seen an episode of the soap, you at least know its most famous resident, Erica Kane, portrayed by daytime queen Susan Lucci. As with all of her daytime dramas, Nixon sought to create a show grounded in humanity and social issues. ALL MY CHILDREN was the first show to discuss the Vietnam War in depth, and most famously, it was the first television series in daytime or primetime to feature a legal abortion. Jesse Hubbard and Angie Baxter were daytime’s first African American supercouple. Bianca Montgomery (Erica’s daughter) and Lena Kundera were the first characters to share a same-sex kiss in daytime. ALL MY CHILDREN has held a significant place in pop culture and television history for 41 years.

Agnes Nixon

I’ve been watching ALL MY CHILDREN for about 20 of those years. Maybe longer. People don’t believe me because I’m only 25, but what can I say? My mother stayed at home when I was young, and if I wanted to spend time with her between noon and 3 p.m. on weekdays, I had to watch soap operas. Therefore, I became addicted to ALL MY CHILDREN, ONE LIFE TO LIFE and GENERAL HOSPITAL at roughly the age of 3. I’ve fallen away from all three soaps at different points, and I would always eventually come back. But a few years ago, I stopped coming back to ALL MY CHILDREN except to watch a few episodes here and there when an old character returned.

Erica Kane in 1971

I can tell you the exact storyline that made me turn away, and I know its the same storyline that turned others away as well. Remember that historic abortion I just mentioned? In 1973, Erica Kane was married to Dr. Jeff Martin when she became unexpectedly pregnant. Erica didn’t want her modeling career to end, so she had an abortion without telling Jeff. Nothing ever stays secret for long on a soap opera, and eventually everyone found out about the abortion once Erica developed an infection from the procedure. The storyline immediately took on historical significance and was cited and lauded for decades.

Erica Kane today

All that was destroyed in 2005 with Erica’s “unabortion.” That’s right. We found out that Dr. Greg Madden, the doctor who was supposed to perform Erica’s abortion, was so obsessed with Ms. Kane that he removed the embryo from Erica’s uterus and implanted it into his wife’s. Fast forward to 2005, and meet Josh, the son that Erica thought she had aborted in 1973. But the revisions didn’t stop there. Suddenly, Erica was saying that the reason she had the abortion was because she was scared and confused. The real reason she had her abortion (to protect her modeling career) was swept under the rug, forever changing the character of Erica Kane. And that’s when ALL MY CHILDREN lost me. Sure, I tuned in during Dixie’s numerous returns and when Jesse and Angie reunited after everyone believed Jesse had been dead for 20 years. But I never stuck around for long. Even a hardcore soap fan like myself has a breaking point. By the way, the show ended up killing off Josh in 2009. How pointless.

The children of Erica Kane, including the "unaborted" Josh.

I don’t want to focus too much on the negative today because I truly do love ALL MY CHILDREN. There are so many characters that I have loved and followed for 20 years, and it’s hard to believe we won’t be seeing their stories anymore. Soap operas are not written to end, so it’s been strange watching storylines wrap up and (gasp!) people actually getting happy endings. Yes, Prospect Park has plans to move ALL MY CHILDREN online, but I can’t imagine that the Pine Valley that we see a few months from now will be the same Pine Valley we see today. Vets like Susan Lucci (Erica Kane) and Michael E. Knight (Tad Martin) won’t be moving online. Other actors like Jacob Young (JR Chandler) and Debbie Morgan (Angie Hubbard) are moving on to other soaps. I can only assume that Prospect Park’s ALL MY CHILDREN will be filled with recasts and young actors who won’t need to be paid as much. I hope I’m wrong. Despite my bleak predictions, I applaud Prospect Park for recognizing the entertainment value of soap operas and for doing something to save soaps from being lost forever.

Supercouple Tad the Cad and Dixie Martin. So glad she recovered from death by poisoned pancakes.

So as ALL MY CHILDREN closes out its 41-year run on ABC, I’m reflecting on some of my favorite moments and storylines from the two decades I have been a fan of this soap opera. In no particular order:

- Susan Lucci finally won the Daytime Emmy in 1999 after 19 nominations. I totally cried. And I just cried again watching this video. It really is delightful. Even Oprah is thrilled!

- Erica Kane finally married Jackson Montgomery in 2005. Even though she’s had seven other husbands, he’s the man she was always meant to be with.

- Haley and Mateo fell in love on screen as their portrayers, Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos, fell in love off screen. I was 9 or 10 and was obsessed by the fact that they were together in real life.

Haley and Mateo

- Erica’s daughter Bianca developed anorexia in 1997. I was 11 years old, and I now realize what an important storyline that was for me to see at that age.

- Erica married Dimitri Marick twice in the 1990s. In between, she stabbed him with a letter opener because she was having hallucinations of her rape at age 14. Despite the stabbing and the affairs, I LOVED them.

- Stuart Chandler’s wife Cindy died of AIDS, leaving him to care for her son, Scott. Apparently Cindy died in 1989, so either I have an amazing memory, or I saw clips of her death at a very young age. I swear I remember watching this happen.

- Julia Santos’ face was scarred when a chandelier fell on her during a tornado. She ran away and fell in love with Noah Keefer. I was only 8 years old, but I remembering absolutely loving these two together.

Julia Santos and Noah Keefer

- GENERAL HOSPITAL’s Anna Devane was revealed to be alive on the wrong soap. I’ll always be resentful that Anna and Robin had their reunion in Pine Valley instead of Port Charles.

- Simone Torres, one of my favorite characters who never got enough screen time, was murdered by the Satin Slayer in 2006. She had a fun relationship with Tad Martin that I always wished would have become something more.

- Bad boy Ryan Lavery and Hungarian princess Gillian Andrassy fell in love, but then Gillian died tragically. Like “We’re about to leave for our honeymoon, but whoops, you got shot in the head first” tragically.

Ryan Lavery and Gillian Andrassy

- Bad boy Leo du Pres (Josh Duhamel!) and bad girl Greenlee Smythe fell in love, but then Leo died tragically. So much tragedy all the time on these soaps.

- Tad fell off a bridge into a raging river and was presumed dead. I for real thought he was dead and was a very sad child.

Those are some moments that stand out to me. And now I realize I’ve gone this entire post without expressing my undying love for Adam Chandler. That is tragic!

No matter how evil he becomes, I will always love Adam Chandler with all my heart.

I’d be interested to see what moments stand out to other fans. If you have ever been a fan of ALL MY CHILDREN at any point in your life, please share some memories in the comments. And I encourage you to not only watch today’s episode but also every episode from this week, which you can find here.

I leave you all with the following poem written by Agnes Nixon for the All My Children photo album in the opening credits. And I would just like to say thank you to Agnes and to all the actors, writers and fans who have kept ALL MY CHILDREN alive for 41 years. And thank you to those who are trying to keep this great drama alive even longer. If soap operas have taught me anything, it’s that anyone can come back from the dead. ALL MY CHILDREN can do it, too.

The Great and the Least,

The Rich and the Poor,

The Weak and the Strong,

In Sickness and in Health,

In Joy and Sorry,

In Tragedy and Triumph,

You are ALL MY CHILDREN.

Who cares about Sunday Night Football? The Emmys are here! (What’s that? Everyone cares about Sunday Night Football? Then this post is for TV nerds only.) I hope you have your watch parties planned because the 63rd Primetime Emmy Awards air Sunday at 8ET/5PT. On FOX! Ugh, FOX. Remember this disaster? Hopefully no one tries to pull off that dumb circular stage again. The poor UGLY BETTY cast had to face everyone’s backs all night.

Read on to see my predictions, and get your ballots out and start making your own! I didn’t include my guesses for the Miniseries or Movie categories, but I’m really crossing my fingers that Maggie “What is a weekend?” Smith wins for DOWNTON ABBEY.

Please make your own predictions in the comments. Let’s fight!

OUTSTANDING DRAMA SERIES

Nominees: BOARDWALK EMPIRE, DEXTER, FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS, GAME OF THRONES, THE GOOD WIFE, MAD MEN

What will win: MAD MEN. It’s hard enough for a show to win one Emmy in this category. It’s even harder for it to win four years in a row. MAD MEN would join THE WEST WING, HILL STREET BLUES, and L.A. LAW as the only series to win best drama four times. Even with the absence of BREAKING BAD, MAD MEN had an incredible amount of competition this year. But as long as the series keeps churning out episodes like “The Suitcase,” it’s going to stay on top.

What I want to win: FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS. It’s a miracle FNL was even nominated in this category, not because it doesn’t deserve the nomination but because it seemed doomed to join THE WIRE as a show that would never receive proper recognition from the voting academy. FNL should have been nominated far earlier than 2011, but I’ve been so abused by the Emmys that I’ll take what I can get. What if FNL did manage to pull off the upset on Sunday? Well then I’d be crying like the baby I turned into during the series finale.

OUTSTANDING COMEDY SERIES

Nominees: THE BIG BANG THEORY, GLEE, MODERN FAMILY, THE OFFICE, PARKS AND RECREATION, 30 ROCK

Who will win: MODERN FAMILY. This was the best comedy on television last year, so it’s going to take the Academy a little while to catch up. The series had an uneven season, but even the worst episode of MODERN FAMILY is better than the best episode of GLEE. Seriously, what is that show even doing in the category this year? This isn’t the GOLDEN GLOBES. (Snap!)

Who I want to win: PARKS AND RECREATION. My love for this show should be no secret by now. Simply put, it was the best comedy on TV in 2011.

OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTOR IN A DRAMA

Nominees: Steve Buscemi (BOARDWALK EMPIRE), Michael C. Hall (DEXTER), Kyle Chandler (FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS), Hugh Laurie (HOUSE), Timothy Olyphant (JUSTIFIED), Jon Hamm (MAD MEN)

Who will win: Jon Hamm (MAD MEN). For as many awards as MAD MEN has received, Hamm has never actually taken home the Emmy himself. Blame that on Bryan Cranston and his performance as Walter White in BREAKING BAD. Cranston has won the category three years in a row, each time beating a nominated Hamm. But BREAKING BAD missed the Emmy window this year, so the race is Hamm’s to lose. Will victory be as sweet with Hamm’s biggest competitor on the bench this year? I have no doubt it will be. M-I-Z.

Who I want to win: Kyle Chandler (FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS). I love Jon Hamm. And I will be so happy for him if he wins on Sunday. But it breaks my heart that Chandler wasn’t nominated until his final two seasons on FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS. And it breaks my heart even more that he’ll never actually have an Emmy for his incredible work as Coach Taylor.

OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS IN A DRAMA

Nominees: Connie Britton (FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS), Julianna Margulies (THE GOOD WIFE), Kathy Bates (HARRY’S LAW), Mireille Enos (THE KILLING), Mariska Hargitay (LAW & ORDER: SVU), Elisabeth Moss (MAD MEN)

Who will win: Julianna Margulies (THE GOOD WIFE). It was supposed to happen last year. Margulies was a lock for this category. She had already won the Golden Globe, the SAG Award and the TCA Award. All that was left was the Emmy. But sometimes a lousy episode submission is all it takes to derail your Emmy dreams, and that’s how experts explained her loss last year. Even though her competition is stronger this year, Margulies should win the category on Sunday.

Who I want to win: Elisabeth Moss (MAD MEN). The best part of “The Suitcase” (the episode Moss submitted) was when I found out Peggy Olson and I had the same birthday. May 25th! The rest of the episode was pretty great, too. Watch it, and you’ll see why this Emmy should go to Moss, who will always be Zoey Bartlet from THE WEST WING to me. And that girl from the migraine commercials.

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA

Nominees: Peter Dinklage (GAME OF THRONES), Josh Charles (THE GOOD WIFE), Alan Cumming (THE GOOD WIFE), Walter Goggins (JUSTIFIED), John Slattery (MAD MEN), Andre Braugher (MEN OF A CERTAIN AGE)

Who will win: Alan Cumming (THE GOOD WIFE). This race could really go to anyone except for Josh Charles. That’s no slam against his acting ability. He just doesn’t have much Emmy buzz surrounding him right now. Several experts are predicting John Slattery, especially because of his strong submission. But I’m giving the edge to Cumming, whose ruthless Eli Gold was humanized in THE GOOD WIFE’s stellar second season.

Who I want to win: Peter Dinklage (GAME OF THRONES). I only recently jumped on the GAME OF THRONES bandwagon, and Dinklage has been my favorite part of the show. I would be thrilled if the scene stealer took home the prize for his portrayal of Tyrion Lannister. But it’s at least just nice to see him nominated at the Emmys after his Oscar snub in 2003 for THE STATION AGENT.

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA

Nominees: Kelly Macdonald (BOARDWALK EMPIRE), Archie Panjabi (THE GOOD WIFE), Christine Baranski (THE GOOD WIFE), Margo Martindale (JUSTIFIED), Michelle Forbes (THE KILLING), Christina Hendricks (MAD MEN)

Who will win: Margo Martindale (JUSTIFIED). She’s the favorite among prediction experts. I haven’t watched JUSTIFIED since the beginning of its first season, so unfortunately I can’t speak about Martindale’s performance. But I would say that her biggest competition comes from last year’s winner Archie Panjabi or BOARDWALK EMPIRE’s Kelly Macdonald.

Who I want to win: Christina Hendricks (MAD MEN). I’ll always choose Joanie. Here’s why:

OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTOR IN A COMEDY

Nominees: Jim Parsons (THE BIG BANG THEORY), Johnny Galecki (THE BIG BANG THEORY), Matt LeBlanc (EPISODES), Louis C.K. (LOUIE), Steve Carell (THE OFFICE), Alec Baldwin (30 ROCK)

Who will win: Steve Carell (THE OFFICE). Carell should have won this award long ago, but all the experts agree this will finally be his year. It’s one of those “Just give it to him already!” awards. Carell turned in a fine performance in his final year at THE OFFICE, and it will be lovely to see him with the Emmy in his hand on Sunday.

Who I want to win: Steve Carell (THE OFFICE). Even when I couldn’t stand Michael Scott, I always thought Carell did a hell of a job with the character. Plus, I just really like this guy. Sad he’s gone from THE OFFICE. Glad I get to keep watching him at the movies.

OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS IN A COMEDY

Nominees: Laura Linney (THE BIG C), Melissa McCarthy (MIKE & MOLLY), Edie Falco (NURSE JACKIE), Amy Poehler (PARKS AND RECREATION), Martha Plimpton (RAISING HOPE), Tina Fey (30 ROCK)

Who will win: Laura Linney (THE BIG C). I’m so tired of Showtime’s stars getting nominated in comedy categories for work that is largely dramatic. I love Laura Linney. I really do. She’s been nominated for an Oscar three times, and I really hope she wins one soon. But her perfect record at the Emmys (3-0) scares the crap out of me because it gives her an edge when this award should be going to a comedic actress.

Who I want to win: Amy Poehler (PARKS AND RECREATION). Poehler has the best chance of beating Linney in the category, but I’m just too pessimistic about the Emmys to believe it’s going to happen. This is the SNL alum’s fourth Emmy nomination, but according to IMDB, her only major award is “Best WTF Moment” at the MTV Movie Awards for peeing in a sink in BABY MAMA. She deserves so much more. (But to be fair, that was a really funny scene.)

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY

Nominees: Chris Colfer (GLEE), Jesse Tyler Ferguson (MODERN FAMILY), Ed O’Neill (MODERN FAMILY), Eric Stonestreet (MODERN FAMILY), Ty Burrell (MODERN FAMILY), Jon Cryer (TWO AND A HALF MEN)

Who will win: Ty Burrell (MODERN FAMILY). Four actors nominated from one show could result in vote splitting, giving the edge to Chris Colfer or Jon Cryer. But Ty Burrell seems to have enough buzz surrounding him this year to pull off a victory. The only actor in this race that I think could best him is Ed O’Neill, who was outrageously snubbed last year.

Who I want to win: Ed O’Neill (MODERN FAMILY). Somehow this is O’Neill’s first Emmy nomination. That seems impossible when you think of how MARRIED WITH CHILDREN was on air for 11 seasons and how O’Neill’s Al Bundy is now considered one of the classic sitcom characters of the 1990s. But that’s the Academy for you. Now make it up to him by giving him an Emmy.

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY

Nominees: Jane Lynch (GLEE), Betty White (HOT IN CLEVELAND), Julie Bowen (MODERN FAMILY), Sofia Vergara (MODERN FAMILY), Kristen Wiig (SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE), Jane Krakowski (30 ROCK)

Who will win: Betty White (HOT IN CLEVELAND). Even though she could probably care less if she wins another Emmy, everyone loves her too damn much to deny her anything.

Who I want to win: Sofia Vergara (MODERN FAMILY). Word has it she submitted a less-than-stellar episode. I would hate it if that hurt her chances because Vergara was the MVP of MODERN FAMILY in its second season. The writers finally let her be funny, and she truly came into her own as a comedic actress.

PARKS AND RECREATION (NBC)

Sorry MODERN FAMILY, but you weren’t the best comedy on network television this year. That honor goes to another mockumentary-style sitcom, PARKS AND RECREATION. It’s a shame we only got 16 episodes in the series’ third season, but who can complain when such a short season gave us a moment like this?

PARKS & REC stars Amy Poehler as Leslie Knope, an optimistic and loyal government worker who is second in command at the parks and recreation department in Pawnee, Indiana. Joining Leslie at the department is her libertarian boss, Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman), and her co-workers Tom (Aziz Ansari), April (Aubrey Plaza), Jerry (Jim O’Heir) and Donna (Rhetta). Rashida Jones plays Leslie’s best friend, Ann Perkins, and Chris Pratt plays the lovable and dumb Andy Dwyer. Joining Season 3 as regulars and government bureaucrats were Rob Lowe as Chris Traeger and Adam Scott as Leslie’s love interest, Ben Wyatt.

The single greatest image in television this year. Poor Ron.

I wasn’t always a fan of PARKS & REC. Please just skip its first season. (It’s only six episodes anyway.) After writing it off in the beginning, I picked it back up again in Season 2 when critic after critic told me I was missing out. Thanks, critics! By Season 2, PARKS & REC had found its heart and the right tone, and main character Leslie Knope had become warm, smart, relatable and funny. The credit for Leslie’s transformation goes to both the writers and to Poehler, who deserves the Emmy this year for her performance (even though she’ll unfairly lose to Laura Linney).

There is so much to love about PARKS & REC, but mostly I love the world that Greg Daniels and Michael Schur have created. Pawnee has drawn many comparisons to Springfield because of all the recurring townspeople who can be used at any time. My favorite scenes are the exasperating town hall meetings, which are much like Michael Scott’s conference room meetings if Michael invited every crazy person in Scranton instead of just the crazy people in his office. I love the Snakehole Lounge, I love the Bulge, and I hate the public library. I want Eagleton to suck it, and I genuinely fear Tammy 1. I love Pawnee so much that I want to move there and help expose the malpractices of the Sweetums candy factory. I can just room with April and Andy and buy them more frisbees to use as dinner plates.

Can you watch Season 4 without having see the previous seasons? Yes, but you really should go back and watch Seasons 2 and 3 because they’re just so good and so funny. Skip Season 1.

Returns Thursday, September 22 at 8:30/7:30c on NBC.

FRINGE (FOX)

FRINGE shares the honor with CHUCK as being “The Little Show That Could.” The sci-fi drama didn’t always attract such a small audience, but for the past two years it has been on the brink of cancellation before being saved at the 11th hour. The third season of FRINGE was moved to Friday, a time slot change that usually means the end for a series. But the show performed well for a Friday, and thank God it was renewed because it ended on a cliffhanger that has changed the entire multiverse. I’ll admit that I didn’t really watch FRINGE until this summer. I must have been crazy because I was missing out on one of the best TV mysteries out there.

Yes, FRINGE is a weekly procedural, but as the series has progressed, it has focused more and more on its mythology. Unfortunately, that makes it more difficult for new viewers to dive in, but FOX is trying to help with recap specials you can find here. The drama follows a group of people in the FBI’s Fringe Division, which investigates mysterious events that fall under the realm of “fringe” science, meaning the science that exists outside of established theories. The group includes FBI Agent Olivia Dunham (Anna Torv), troubled scientist Dr. Walter Bishop (John Noble) and his brilliant and estranged son Peter Bishop (Joshua Jackson).

Dr. Walter Bishop

The greatest character of them all is Walter, the archetypal mad scientist. While Olivia and Peter are compelling reasons to tune into FRINGE, Walter is the reason to stay. And John Noble plays Walter so expertly that I don’t even want to imagine what the character would be like in the hands of a lesser actor. Walter is brilliant, funny and warm, but he suffers from a history of dangerous arrogance and insanity, which has turned him into a sad and troubled man who has to cope with overwhelming guilt and the dark sins of his past. What I wouldn’t give to put Walter Bishop in a room with John Locke and just watch them debate faith, science and human nature. J.J. Abrams could arrange that, couldn’t he?

Rumble!

RAISING HOPE (FOX)

I wasn’t addicted to Greg Garcia’s MY NAME IS EARL, but I can’t get enough of his new blue collar comedy, RAISING HOPE. The single-camera sitcom focuses on the 23-year-old Jimmy Chance (Lucas Neff) and his family as they raise Jimmy’s baby, Hope. The premise is a dark one. Jimmy has a one-night stand with a serial killer and receives custody of Baby Hope (born Princess Beyonce, of course) shortly before the baby’s mother is given the death penalty. Such a light-hearted family sitcom! But beyond the series’ gruesome beginnings, RAISING HOPE really is a touching family comedy. Jimmy lives with his parents, Virginia (Martha Plimpton) and Burt (Garret Dillahunt), and his great-grandmother, Maw Maw (Cloris Leachman). They raise Hope together, and they have a little help from Jimmy’s co-worker and crush, Sabrina (Shannon Woodward).

For me, half the fun of the show is delving into the quirky world Garcia has created. Jimmy works at the local grocery store where we see his boss, Barney (Gregg Binkley), and his creepy co-worker Frank (Todd Giebenhain). The grocery store is like CHUCK’s Buy More, providing lighter B and C stories. Then there’s Sabrina’s cousin, Shelly, portrayed by Kate Micucci of Garfunkel & Oates. Shelly runs a daycare center for babies, seniors and dogs, and the show is smart to use Micucci’s musical talents:

But one of the biggest reasons to watch is for Martha Plimpton. She was on my Emmy nomination wish list, so I was thrilled she received a nod in the category for outstanding lead actress in a comedy series. Plimpton brings a lot of heart to a show that flirts with being unrelatable. (I know, it’s shocking that I can’t relate to someone who has impregnated a serial killer.) But the whole cast deserves credit for making us feel the love between these characters. The Chances are a different kind of modern family, and they’re a refreshing and real alternative to a certain wildly popular upper middle class TV family that had an overhyped second season. (Too harsh?)

Can you watch Season 2 without having seen Season 1? Definitely. There is very little serialization in RAISING HOPE.

Returns Tuesday, September 20 at 9:30/8:30c on FOX.

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES (THE CW)

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES holds the honor of being the only CW show I watch (even though I fully intend on catching up with NIKITA). I initially stayed away from the series because I was afraid it would be a TWILIGHT clone, but eventually critics and friends wore me down. Now I’m kicking myself for staying away for so long. I mean, look at what I was missing out on:

It's Vampire Boone!

I know that a shirtless man isn’t the only reason to watch a TV show, but hey, it’s the only reason I watch TRUE BLOOD nowadays. THE VAMPIRE DIARIES (which I promise is better than TRUE BLOOD) takes place in the town of Mystic Falls, Virginia, and revolves around high school student Elena Gilbert (Nina Dobrev). Dobrev pulls double duty by portraying Elena’s (not very nice) vampire ancestor, Katherine. Brothers and vampires Stefan (Paul Wesley) and Damon Salvatore (Ian Somerhalder) protect Elena and investigate supernatural events with the help of witches and vampires and werewolves (Oh my!). Naturally, there’s a central love triangle. Really it’s more like a quadrangle: Damon loves Elena. Elena loves Stefan. Stefan loves Elena. Katherine loves Stefan. Damon loves Katherine. Damon sometimes hates Stefan because everyone loves Stefan and not Damon.

My favorite character in the series is Caroline Forbes (Candice Accola), which is something I never would have said in the beginning of the first season. (SPOILER ALERT!) Caroline didn’t become interesting until Damon turned her into a vampire, a move I was sad about until vampire Caroline turned out to be totally awesome and funny. Caroline struggles to maintain the life of a normal high school girl and to keep her secret from her sheriff mother and sweet boyfriend, Matt Donovan (Zach Roerig). But now that Caroline is a vampire, she’ll never be able to escape the supernatural and her family and friends will always be in harm’s way. Oh, and she’s kind of in love with her boyfriend’s best friend, Tyler Lockwood (Michael Trevino), who just so happens to be a werewolf. But a werewolf bite can kill a vampire, so that’s a pretty deadly forbidden love.

Caroline Forbes and Tyler Lockwood

Can you watch Season 3 without having seen Seasons 1 and 2? Hmm…maybe? Do yourself a favor and just watch the first two seasons. It’s a primetime soap, so there’s so much serialization. And this is the perfect show to binge on because you get addicted very quickly. But the following clip is a pretty decent summary if you want to start watching the show immediately:

Returns Thursday, September 15 at 8/7c on The CW.

Will the real Todd Manning please stand up?

I can’t lie. I’ve been waiting for this storyline for eight years. In 2003, Roger Howarth left ONE LIFE TO LIVE after portraying the controversial (Understatement!) leading man Todd Manning since 1992. Shortly after Howarth’s departure, Trevor St. John stepped into the role. But this was an atypical recast. In most soap opera recasts, differences in physical appearances between the portrayers of the same character are never explained. Exhibit A: The role of Blair Cramer in ONE LIFE TO LIVE was originated by Asian American actress Mia Korf.

Mia Korf

But Kassie DePaiva, the actress who was recast in the role, is very much a blond Southern lady who sings all the time.

Kassie KePaiva

ONE LIFE TO LIVE went a different route with the Todd Manning recast. Trevor St. John came to Llanview as Walker Laurence. It was only later revealed that “Walker” was actually Todd Manning with a new face. The biggest change was that Todd no longer had the infamous scar on his face. (More on the scar in a bit.) There were two possible conclusions to draw from this development in the character of Todd Manning:

1) If Todd had a new face, then that closed the door for fan favorite Roger Howarth to ever return. Unless, of course, Todd would someday get plastic surgery to get back his old face.

OR

2) This “new Todd” was never really Todd at all, and if Roger Howarth ever returned to ONE LIFE TO LIVE, all would be revealed.

Well, Roger Howarth is back in Llanview, and we’re about to find out if Trevor St. John’s Todd has been an impostor all along. Why is this all such a big deal? Because Todd Manning is one of the most iconic and complicated characters in daytime history.

Roger Howarth: The Original Todd Manning

Todd Manning is a rapist. There’s really no way to get around that. And the scar on his original face is a constant reminder of his sins. In 1993, Todd gang raped college coed Marty Saybrooke. Todd received his scar when Luna Moody hit him in the face with a crowbar to stop him from attacking Marty a second time. After this, Todd could have been written as a one-dimensional villain, but the writers slowly began to flesh out his character. They revealed Todd’s abusive childhood, and they anchored him to Llanview by making him the long-lost half-brother of the beloved Victoria Lord. (He really hit the sibling jackpot with that one.)

(Halfway through the following video, Todd finds out his father is Victor Lord. He confronts new sister Viki about this, but Viki is taking some time off while her alternate personality Jean takes over. Todd has no idea he’s talking to one of Viki’s alters. Oh, soaps!)

Todd has never been fully redeemed. Redemption is impossible for a character who keeps playing the villain and who continues to hurt the people that he loves. What Todd did become was a character we cared about deeply. He was a character we prayed would choose good over evil. And sometimes he did.

Trevor St. John: Todd Manning 2.0

Roger Howarth deserves a great deal of credit for Todd’s popularity. And Trevor St. John deserves just as much credit for making Todd his own and keeping the character relevant in Llanview. But St. John’s Todd committed his own share of reprehensible deeds. The worst was when he hid an amnesiac Marty Saybrooke, lied about their history, made her fall in love with him, and then slept with her. He essentially raped Marty for a second time. It was a storyline that made me sick to my stomach, and it was a line that I didn’t think even Todd would cross.

That storyline is one of the reasons I’m so intrigued by what’s currently happening in Llanview with the Two Todd Mannings. Roger Howarth is back as a man claiming to be the real Todd Manning. Meanwhile Trevor St. John’s Todd continues to claim that he is the real Todd Manning. Todd’s family has seen and talked with both men, and they are just as confused as I am. Part of me thinks it cheapens the work Trevor St. John has done just to reveal that he has been an impostor this whole time. But another part of me wishes to erase what Todd Manning has done over the past eight years, especially his second rape of Marty. That’s one sin I want Todd Manning to be free of.

(The following clip is the confrontation we all were waiting for. This is soap at its best.)

Outside of the soap world, this all sounds ridiculous. But that is what is so wonderful. THIS KIND OF STORYTELLING CAN ONLY HAPPEN IN SOAPS. Only in soaps could we be convinced for EIGHT years that a certain man is Todd Manning even though he has a different face. Only in soaps could a man looking like the original Todd Manning then come back to town and claim that an impostor has stolen his life for EIGHT years. Have I mentioned it’s been eight years? Here’s the deal: Because of the longevity of soap operas, storylines like this can span a decade. That kind of storytelling just can’t happen in primetime, where series are lucky to make it past the first season. Only in soaps can a setup happen in 2003 and a payoff come in 2011. I can’t even begin to describe how rewarding this is as a viewer and fan.

So who is the real Todd Manning? I have no freakin’ clue because get this: A DNA test revealed that BOTH MEN ARE TODD MANNING. Say what? Todd’s daughter, Starr, offered up the logical suggestion that the two men are twins. Todd’s son Jack offered up the far less logical suggestion that the two men are clones. Poor, dumb, possibly homicidal Jack. I think I like his idea. Todd’s family is starting to take sides, and it seems like sister Viki believes the man with Todd’s original face. If only Todd’s mother, Irene Manning, were still alive to answer everyone’s questions. Oh, wait! Irene Manning is still alive, but no one knows it yet! And she’s in charge of some super secret organization that seems to be behind this whole debacle. If Todd’s mother is still alive, I have a feeling Todd and Viki’s presumed dead father, the evil Victor Lord, isn’t far behind in coming back from the grave. Jeez, he’s come back from the dead as many times as ALL MY CHILDREN’s Dixie (who just this summer came back from the dead after previous death by poisoned pancakes).

(Oh hey, Irene Manning! That’s pretty disgusting that you were boinking your college roommate’s evil father. But right now, you seem pretty evil too.)

We might not know who the real Todd Manning is yet, but man, this is fun to watch! I mean, can you imagine thinking someone is your father or husband for eight years and then suddenly there’s the possibility that he’s been a fake the whole time? What if Old Todd is Real Todd? How do you treat him now? How do you atone for believing someone else was him for so long? And what if New Todd is Real Todd? How do you recover as a family once you’ve doubted him and believed he was an impostor? I suspect Old Todd is Real Todd but that New Todd was brainwashed into believing he is Real Todd. But that’s almost too simple. And now my brain is starting to hurt.

Unfortunately, ONE LIFE TO LIVE doesn’t have a lot of time to answer these questions. The 43-year-old soap is going off the air in January. Yes, there are plans to move it online, but I don’t even want to begin to speculate what that version of Llanview will look like. Not now. For now I want to enjoy ONE LIFE TO LIVE in its current form. I want to enjoy the version of the soap I have watched since I was in diapers. For now I want to enjoy watching Roger Howarth in the role that he created. And for now I don’t want to think that all of this is about to end. I mean, how can a show loved by Snoop Dogg be forced off the air? HOW???

HAPPY ENDINGS (ABC)

Only two freshmen series from ABC’s 2010-2011 television season survived to see sophomore year: BODY OF PROOF and HAPPY ENDINGS. BODY OF PROOF was a solid midseason hit. But with low viewership, HAPPY ENDINGS was just plain lucky to get renewed. The series isn’t a perfect comedy, but it’s consistently funny and it seems to appeal to my generation. Countless friends have asked if I watch the show, and I’m pleasantly surprised by the number of people who found the show on their own without me forcing them to watch it.

For those of you who haven’t seen it (which is apparently everyone who isn’t 25), HAPPY ENDINGS focuses on six 20-something friends living in Chicago. Such an original premise, right? The series tried to stand out from the pack of 20-something big city comedies in the beginning. The pilot shows one of the friends, Alex (Elisha Cuthbert), leaving another one of the friends, Dave (Zachary Knighton), at the altar. The remaining friends are left to pick up the pieces and try keep the group together. But HAPPY ENDINGS seemed to gloss over the events of the pilot, and most of the first season ignores what happened between Alex and Dave. But it’s easy to forgive the show for pretty much abandoning its initial premise because it’s just fun to watch the ensemble, particularly cast members Adam Pally and Casey Wilson. By the way, how great is it to see Casey Wilson in something good after she was let go from SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE in 2009? I’m still bitter about that.

Can you watch Season 2 without having seen Season 1? Yes, but go back to Season 1 someday if you want some laughs.

Returns Wednesday, September 28 at 9:30/8:30c on ABC.

THE GOOD WIFE (CBS)

Like COUGAR TOWN, legal drama THE GOOD WIFE suffers from a misleading title that turns off potential viewers. I admit to being one of those quick-to-judge television viewers. I assumed THE GOOD WIFE was what I call a “Mom show.” I also lumped THE MIDDLE into that category until my own mother pestered me into watching it. Now I’m hooked on the ABC comedy because I was very much Sue Heck in high school. I cannot abandon her. But back to THE GOOD WIFE!

The series centers around lawyer Alicia Florrick (Julianna Marguilies) whose husband Peter Florrick (Chris Noth) was caught in a sex and corruption scandal while serving as the state’s attorney in Cook County. After taking years off to raise their two children, Alicia goes back to work as a lawyer at her former law school classmate Will Gardner’s (Josh Charles) law firm. I’m generally not a fan of procedurals, but THE GOOD WIFE isn’t your typical procedural. Yes, there is a case of the week, but those cases smartly advance character development and never seem unrelated to other events in the episode or series. More importantly, the case isn’t the most prominent aspect of a given episode. Episodes feature the ongoing drama of Peter’s political scandal and career rehabilitation. They feature Alicia’s struggles with her mother-in-law and children. And of course the episodes feature romance. Alicia is trying to be “the good wife,” but she also can’t deny her desire to act on her feelings for Will Gardner. And have I mentioned Kalinda (Archie Panjabi) yet? Kalinda is a badass, folks. Bottom line: You don’t have to be a 45-year-old woman who enjoys a glass of red wine every night to watch this show. You can also be a 25-year-old woman who enjoys half a bottle of red wine every night. Oh, and dudes will like it too. I mean, just look at Julianna Margulies rock this Victoria’s Secret CBS ad:

Can you watch Season 3 without having seen Seasons 1 and 2? I say yes, but there is enough serialization where you might be confused sometimes. You’ll also be missing out on some pretty stellar episodes (and acting) if you completely skip the first two seasons.

Returns Sunday, September 25 at 9/8c on CBS.

Sadly, I have eaten from the Tree of Knowledge, which means I need to constantly calm myself down over all those snubs for THE WIRE. But just because I am jaded, doesn’t mean I can’t keep hoping. I have my own Emmy nomination wish list this year. I chose one series or actor in each of the major categories that I would most like to see get a nomination on Thursday. My list is completely subjective, but then again, so are the Emmys.

OUTSTANDING DRAMA SERIES

FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS

Kyle Chandler and Connie Britton finally received nods last year for portraying the greatest television married couple ever, but FNL has yet to reap a nomination for Outstanding Drama Series. Even with BREAKING BAD and LOST out of the running this year, breakout freshmen series (such as THE WALKING DEAD and BOARDWALK EMPIRE) have made the category extremely competitive. But a nomination for FNL’s fifth and final season would reassure all of us Panthers and Lions that no, we weren’t crazy for loving this show and the residents of Dillon. Texas forever.

LEAD ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES

Kyle Chandler, FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS

Coach scored a nomination in 2010, but Chandler is just as deserving this year (and has been every year). It’s hard for me to put into words how I feel about Chandler and his work on FNL. He deserves all the Tostitos. ALL of them, Brent Musburger!

LEAD ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES

Nina Dobrev, THE VAMPIRE DIARIES

I fooled you, didn’t I? You thought I was going to say Connie Britton, didn’t you? Well yes, I do wish Connie Britton an Emmy nomination, but I wanted to share the love and the put the spotlight on Nina Dobrev, the 22-year-old actress who portrays Elena Gilbert and her vampire ancestor, Katherine Pierce, on the CW’s THE VAMPIRE DIARIES. Tired of this whole vampire fad? Me too! But if you’re going to watch anything with vampires in it, make it THE VAMPIRE DIARIES. (It’s way better than TRUE BLOOD.) Playing identical characters can be challenging, but Dobrev expertly differentiates between Elena and Katherine with fascinating results.

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES

John Noble, FRINGE

I’m about a season and a half behind on FRINGE, but I’ve seen enough of the series to know that John Noble should have received an Emmy nomination by now. Noble loses himself in the character of Walter Bishop, a conflicted and troubled scientist who experiences a great deal of pain and guilt. He excels dramatically, but Noble is also very funny, and Walter’s lighter moments are rather welcome in such a dark and mysterious series. There is no shortage of talent among the supporting actors this year, and Noble faces especially tough competition from the men of BOARDWALK EMPIRE and THE GOOD WIFE. But I would love to see some recognition for an incredible actor from an underappreciated show.

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES

Archie Panjabi, THE GOOD WIFE

Archie Panjabi was the surprise winner of this category last year, so I’m fairly confident she’ll receive a repeat nod this year. But I’m including her on my wish list because I feel so strongly about her performance in the second season of THE GOOD WIFE. I only recently caught up with the series, and while I think Panjabi did a wonderful job in the first season, she blew me away in the second (especially in those scenes with Julianna Margulies in the last few episodes).

OUTSTANDING COMEDY SERIES

PARKS AND RECREATION

PARKS AND RECREATION was nearly flawless this season (Think “Season Two of 30 ROCK” levels of good.) and was consistently the best comedy NBC had to offer. In a year where COMMUNITY sometimes disappointed me and 30 ROCK and THE OFFICE still weren’t back to their former glory, PARKS AND RECREATION delivered the episodes I had to re-watch at least two or three times. The comedy had already found its footing in season two, but new cast members Rob Lowe and Adam Scott helped make season three the funniest, warmest and smartest yet. But really the whole cast deserves credit. Amy Poehler, Nick Offerman, Aziz Ansari, Rashida Jones, Aubrey Plaza, Chris Pratt, Jim O’Heir and Retta: Keep doing what you’re doing.

LEAD ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES

Steve Carell, THE OFFICE

Steve Carell’s nomination might be all but guaranteed, but I’m putting him on my wish list anyway because I so badly want to see him get the Emmy. Past winners Jim Parsons (THE BIG BANG THEORY) and Alec Baldwin (30 ROCK) are sure to be nominated again. They remain Carell’s strongest competition, but they already won the Emmy. Here’s hoping that Carell finally gets official recognition.

LEAD ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES

Martha Plimpton, RAISING HOPE

There was really only one new fall series last year that kept my attention throughout the whole television season, and that was RAISING HOPE. The comedy about a dysfunctional family raising a baby together is hilarious, warm and just the right amount of offensive. Martha Plimpton is the most deserving of recognition among the cast. She portrays a middle class woman who became a mother too young only to become a grandmother too young. If you’re a fan of the Tony-nominated actress’ guest appearances on THE GOOD WIFE, then you’ll certainly be a fan of her here. Actually, I would love to see Plimpton nab a nomination for her role on THE GOOD WIFE as well.

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES

Nick Offerman, PARKS AND RECREATION

Nick Offerman wasn’t even on my radar until he began portraying man’s man Ron Swanson on PARKS AND RECREATION, but Offerman has forever won a place in my heart for playing the bacon-loving head of the Parks Department in Pawnee, Indiana. Offerman is at his best when interacting with Amy Poehler’s Leslie Knope, but the actor excels at incredibly goofy and physical moments as well. Exhibit A:

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES

Busy Phillips, COUGAR TOWN

I bet you’re still not watching COUGAR TOWN. I bet you still can’t get past the title that everyone (including creator Bill Lawrence) agrees is awful. But if you haven’t tuned into COUGAR TOWN yet, you’re making a mistake, especially because you’re missing an incredible comedic performance from Busy Phillips. Yes, Kim Kelly isn’t just scary. She’s really funny too! Watch this and laugh! My favorite part is Beef & Bubbles:

Drink Up, Bitch!: The Oscar Edition

• Ugly dress/ugly hair/ugly person
• Wrap-up music
• Winner thanks God
• “I know I’m forgetting someone.”
• Flat jokes
• Jack Nicholson cutaway
• Charlie Sheen jokes
• “I didn’t have a speech prepared.”
• Censored language
• Someone slips/falls
• Political commentary
• Helena Bonham Carter cutaway
• Montage
• Javier/Penelope cutaway
• Control room shot
• “Wow, this is heavy.”
• Nip slip
• Standing ovation
• In Memoriam (Steady flow, guys.)

Don’t get me wrong. This drinking game definitely got the job done. But it could certainly be improved for next year. For example, Hugh Jackman is apparently the new Jack Nicholson. And no one in Hollywood thanks God anymore, so next year, any mention of God should be answered with tequila shots for all. Other items to add to the list next year: Lesbian/gay jokes, Harvey Weinstein cutaways, hostess dress changes, dead celebrities being creepily brought back to life by technology, and a Hollywood legend hijacking the ceremony and refusing to announce the winner of the category.

Please feel free to add your own rules. We only have a year to get this right!